Conspiracy Theory

Suddenly it seems as if the world is against me, or at least against specific products I have previously enjoyed purchasing. Sounds paranoid, I know, however Walmart has inexplicably stricken all VO5 styling products from their shelves! I have extremely touchy curly hair that is quite difficult to work with and I had finally found a product that kept it from being frizzy without making it look wet and molded, or being constantly sticky or crunchy or having "product dust" and now it is no where to be found and there is no explanation anywhere!
To continue this annoyance, I also could not locate my delicious Crest Vanilla Mint toothpaste! They lured me to try their multiple new flavors several years ago and I fell in love with the Vanilla Mint and was so happy when it turned out to be the nations favorite and stayed on the shelves and I have been a loyal customer since and now, just like my VO5 Curvaceous Curls styling mousse, it has seemingly disappeared. Grr.
The same thing happened around Christmas time when I discovered by a fluke that the Only place in which to find a Chocolate Orange, my all time favorite Christmas candy was Walgreens! and forget about trying to find the delicious Chocolate Raspberry they made one year to tease me!
To add to the list, I have searched many local stores where I usually find my Vogue and InStyle magazines but to no avail! They are still selling February's issue of both magazines! Meanwhile, Marie Claire and Glamour are already April issues! What is happening to my world!? Again, no information is available online other than that Michelle Obama is on the cover of the mysteriously unavailable March issue of one of my magazines. Are they available elsewhere and they've suddenly decided that the midwest has no use for updated fashion information?
I am so frustrated! The economy is drowning in a pool of media disparity and I would gladly stimulate it by continueing to purchase the brands that I've long been loyal to (despite the fact that I no longer have a source of income) but they are nowhere to be found! Yesterday I went to Walmart, again, on a chocolate finding mission in preperation for next week's female misery. My mother had informed me that the wonderful eight packs of fun sized candy bars were on sale for a dollar. Usually I pig out on my favorites, Snickers and 100 Grands, but low and behold another favorite has left the shelves and I will have to make do with Snickers and Mounds instead. What is this madness?
The news is nothing but depressing, and my dad talks of the Mexican drug cartel taking over Mexico and how Mexicans are going to flood across the border so he is going to buy a gun. Guns and ammo however, are on back order all over the place because everyone seems scared. The future seems bleak but I am trying very hard to remember that today is a beautiful first day of Spring and God has the whole world in His hands. He loves me and will provide for me.